Hi there. I'm new to the world of blogs. I'm here because I need some advice, and I need to vent.

Now - I have a bit of a long story. Please be patient and read to the end - I have a lot to tell.

About me - I am a widowed mother of 3. My 2 children are from my marriage, and the 3rd is from a long-term relationship that ended about a year and a half ago.

About 15 months ago, my children and I moved into a house that I rent from a friend that moved across the country. His brother lives in the apartment in the basement. The apartment entrance is in my main floor hallway.

13 months ago, I became romantically involved with the brother - call him John. We had an immediate and seriously intense connection. In fact, the connection was so intense, I could hardly believe it. It knocked my socks off (so to speak) and I believe his too. I hadn't had that connection since my husband and I first got serious 20 years ago. John is a very handsome man, 10 years older than I am. He is the same age as my deceased husband, and is very much like him in many ways. He is definately OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) in that everything in his apartment has to be absolutely perfect. He can seriously only focus on one single thing at a time, and that focus is always intense and complete. It's like he forgets the rest of the world exists whenever he is doing something. He also absolutely NEEDS routine in his life. He gets up in the morning, follows his routine through the day - each and every day - and if things vary, he gets very uncomfortable. Other than that - he is relatively normal ;-).

Moving from this house is NOT an option - the rent is right, the size is perfect and it has a huge yard. I live in a suburban area where the lot size is typically about 30 x 80 - and this yard is about triple that. I live near good schools, and my children have been moved around many times in the past 17 years, and I really don't want to disrupt their school or lives again.

Well - about a month and a half after we became romantically involved I found out that he had a girlfriend that he saw only on weekends. Up until that time, I had believed that he was going to his dad's cottage every weekend to spend time with his family. When I found out about his "girlfriend" I confronted him about it. He 'fessed up and I found out that he had been seeing her for 10 years. In fact, they had lived together for 5 of those years.

Anyway, I tried to stop seeing him, but since we live in the same house it was virtually impossible. Instead, I decided to date other guys. I mainly did that on the weekends as the weekdays were taken up by John. None of the guys I dated came even close to causing any kind of sparks.

In September, I gave him an ultimatum to do something about our situation and I told him that if he didn't, I would. He was just leaving for a vacation at his brother's home across the country. He would be gone for 10 days. Before he left, we had an extremely passionate night together alone in a hotel. It was probably the most sensual night of my life - and I have never lacked in sensual experiences.

Anyway - he came home, made love to me all day - but didn't say a word about his decision. In fact, we made love 4 times - in the pool, on the stairs, on the floor and in his bed. All before 2:00 in the afternoon. It was intense. Then he went to sleep as he had come home on the red-eye. He slept all day, and stayed in bed through the night. I stayed in my own room. The next day, I asked him if he wanted to watch a movie. He said he didn't think he'd be home that night and I knew right away that he was going to "her" place. I was furious. I stewed for a while, and made a decision. I sent him an e-mail, telling him that I was furious that even though he had decided to keep seeing both of us, he didn't have the guts to tell me before he touched me. Thing is - I cc'd "her". All along he had said that the reason he had stayed with "her" is that she never pushed for a commitment. I believe that he wanted to be able to keep that relationship because it was safe, and it kept me from getting too dependant on him. Well - that is exactly what it was.

I'll write more after - right now I have to go be mom.

Confused by Life.