The only thing I know for sure is: It seems like one person pursues and the other doesn't have to do anything but take it all in and appreciate the pursuit and interest in them. So, I guess there is always that balance. Sometimes I have not realized that I the woman had become the pursuer, and he gave me the 'I don't wanna commit' routine. So, recently I dropped him and told him I was setting him totally free in love and acceptance and that we should go our own way and work on ourselves. Then he started to pursue me. Don't fully understand the how or the why of that. Maybe he wanted to feel in control, he wanted to be the driver, I don't know. I'm not being a total b...., but, I'm not swinging the door wide open for him now either welcoming him back. Maybe some people can only handle intimacy to a point, or, they feel like they have to work hard for everything. I have no idea if what I wrote helps or not or is irrelevant to your situation though