The Day After Valentine (Extremely Long Post)

[Moonlight]

3:45am cst

Hi, I was googling the word recipocrated for some odd reason and I stumbled upon this forum, which looked to contained a community of people that gave really good advice on relationships and seemed to be very I guess welcoming and I'd like to give my situation in hopes for advice on a problem I'm experiencing.

Well first off let me start by stating some background information. I am 20 years old (I know seems a bit young) and I've fallen in love with my high school sweetheart (also 20) problem is we fight consistantly on what seems like the same thing over and over.

We started dating on Valentine's day of 2004 so it's been about 2 years and some odd months, the first year was absolutely splendid, it was beautiful, like magic, but somewhere in that time frame we started arguing, about random things what seems like and I don't mean small sporadic arguments, I mean huge relationship breaking 3-4 week arguments, and as of two weeks ago it seems as if our relationship is over.

The thing is, I've been losing sleep thinking about it and well honestly it pains me very much so to think about her with another person.

I think what went wrong was when I told her that I loved her and would wait for her forever. To me it seems as if she is taken my love for granted in thinking I would wait for her, because recently, (while we were still dating) she's been somewhat distant to me. I would come to her house and sometimes I'd feel as if she didn't even care whether or not I existed. That coupled with the fact I became addicted to online gaming,(don't ask) was the straw that broke the camel's back so to speak. The more I went over there, the less welcomed I felt and the less I wanted to come back.

What strikes me as odd was that she would call me and ask me to come over, but when I said it probably wasn't a good idea, she'd get angry, and if I did come over I felt, well, unappreciated! I know she wanted me to come over (why would she call if she didn't?), but why treat me in such a manner to make me not want to visit? I have talked to her about this and I do understand how busy she gets, but why would she call me over if she was busy? (we're both pre-med hopefuls, so there's a lot of studying going on.)

So now i'm thoroughly confused and not sure what to do and up until recently we hardly ever talk, in fact our last maybe ten conversations on the phone was barely even a conversation. i.e "What you do all day?" "Nothing." : Silence:

What drives me crazy is how uninterested she is in my life. I tell her something I consider personal ( which is very hard for me considering the fact that I'm fairly isolated) and I try to open up to her but she seems, I don't know, uncaring? That sort of sets of a chain reaction of events and leaves both of us feeling horrible.

Okay, now to more recent times, she called me about two weeks ago and told me she wanted to go on break, feeling angryish(don't know a word to describe my feeling at that time) I agree and we are officially "broken up". and wow broken up really does describe it. I can't sleep, I can't eat, and I can't even go without a second without thinking about her. It tears me apart minute by minute even thinking about it. I've had dreams of us being married (which was beautiful) and nightmares of her with another person. It's just maddening.

Last weekend I lost a friend due to a car accident, and I'm currently in the stages of mourning. I'm not really one to bring myself around friends when I'm feeling this way (sort of the reason why I'm typing this out) but I called her and she didn't pick up until way later. For some reason I became angry and started telling her off to which she promptly apologized. (I feel horrible about that) and we started talking. Oh how beautiful it was hearing her voice again, it feel wonderful, as if she had never left and weird thing was, she seemed completely interested in what I had to say this time.

So the following day (boy this is getting long. =\) I thought maybe we could work on our relationship, I guess figure things out. For some stupid reason, I waited for her to call me and guess what.. I waited all day for a phone call, no call, no email, no messenger, nothing. I was infuriated (no idea why..) I guess I'm in the anger stage of mourning but I wrote her a email telling her how angry I was. Angry that I was feeling that way toward her, angry that I couldn't stand being apart, angry I couldn't let her go, and angry I was stupid enough to wait for her. In short, I was angry.. and I sort of took it out on her. I then wrote that I didn't "need" her anymore and haven't heard from her in a few days..

Now that I've calmed down (a lot) I regret telling her some of those things, but the basic message I was trying to convey is still correct. I DO need her, I DO want her, and I DO love her, but I feel if I tell her these things, she'll never learn to view me as a human being nor treat me with respect. i.e listening and supporting me. What should I do? Should I just tell her how I feel and hope she doesn't trample over my feelings again? Should I just wait in pain and misery and hope she calls and tells me she needs me? or is this some stupid teenage love-sick soap opera drama thing I need to stop being a little pansy about. I don't and won't deny that I do love her. That's not what's being questioned, what I do want to find out is, is it worth trying to fix our problems when it seems fairly obvious that we are incompatible, or should I focus on moving on with my life and living. To which, I will say, I'm not quite sure if I'll ever meet a girl like that again.

Anyway, if your reading this, that means you haven't hit the back button on your browser and I'm eternally grateful I can share my feelings to you (even though it's throught the anomity that is the internet) Mostly, I guess, this is a rant but I would love advice, sayings, quotes, anything that would help me in my dilemma. Thank-you and Good Night
4:19 AM Cst

~Moonlight

[Graffixer]

I think you two have something really special that must people would only dream of having. Nevertheless you do seem to have a problem listening to each other. I'm no psychiatric on relationship but i can suggest to work on a solution. I know that at the very least you can because you said that you where able to think about things throughly. This is important because giving a reflection to a problem mean your learning after your mistakes.

To me i think your problem lays on your young ages. I think your not mature enough. But you can use this bad period to your advantage. Now that you know the consequences of some of your(the both of yours) habits. Use this period of sorrow to think about what happened exactly. Even opening yourself to a blog like you did is one way to reconsider things. Build up your spirit... so that next time something like this happens try to comprehend things before "losing it to anger". By the way anger might be relieving but that the last thing to do in a relationship.

I don't believe there is such thing as one most important thing in a relationship but one of the many important things is to be able to comprehend each other. Relationship is very complicated but this is not necessarily a bad thing. There is always the beauty of discovering one and other. After doing so you would be able to say proudly that you know her like no one. "She trust me for this as much as i trust her because we know each other", you will say. Then you will be able to feel the closeness the two of you share.

I said you need to gain maturity. Maybe your already there, i can't know but this said, you should get back with her because i can see you want to. Give it another try. But this time prepare yourself to know her for real. Do it before its too late. If there are problems, think about it before you say something. If its not getting in the way of your relationship between you and her then you should bare this problem instead of complaining about. Girls are very demanding. We have to accept this. This is not something that bad. Leave it to time and you will feel like it will be one of those small thing that makes her special.

Anyways let me tell you one final advice. Hesitation is the best way to lose what sometimes could have been the most precious things. Don't waste what you have. Work things out before its too late. Be true to each other.

[JacobJen]

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