Fuck You And Your Five Second Fucks
As much as I tried to convince myself that I was this changed woman after falling in love with a Spaniard on my holiday, it didn’t last long what so ever.
As soon as I was home, SW was straight on the scene and when I say scene, I mean between my legs doing what he does best – finishing after five seconds.
For once I didn’t feel like a booty call, I felt more like his fucking therapist with the way he was going on about his ex. Like I’m not being funny but I genuinely couldn’t give a fuck about his love life. He cheats on her and she cheats on him, it’s fucking pointless. I’m just here for the sex man.
In a nut shell it turns out she’s a complete psycho and has been cracking on with ZW – the psycho who made me fall out with BG a long time ago. Apparently he was filling her head with all the same shit he used to say to me, only she was stupid enough to believe it all, the fucking mug.
Anyway SW had been texting me all day bank holiday Sunday telling me he would pick me up from town and this that and the other so I was like ‘yeah okay’, thinking well this is sound, at least I don’t have to pay for my taxi tonight.
As we all know, when I’ve had a few drinks it’s extremely hard to contain the inner whore, so obviously a few texts were sent to SW, along the lines of me sitting on his face and whatever else. I’m not gunna lie; I was kinda expecting something dirty back in reply but I got quite the opposite. I got a text back saying “I’m kinda back with CMS”.
Hmm well this is funny isn’t it, considering me and you both know she’s been seeing ZW again. Obviously I replied with a simple ‘what a mug’ message and continued downing my drinks at quite a fast pace.
After necking shots and throwing up in glasses, I woke up the next morning fuckin dying with my head in the toilet.
The last thing I needed was some cunt giving me grief, which is exactly what I got.
So SW had ‘looked into’ my text calling him a mug and wanted answers. I mean it’s not hard is it, you know she’s cracking on with someone and you get back with her after you’ve pretty much been crying about her for weeks. I had no time for this shit; I was way too hungover.
Anyway he just wouldn’t let it go. Despite me saying I knew nothing, which was obviously a lie I just couldn’t be fucked, he continued to ring me every two seconds, send the biggest fuck off paragraphs and just be a general cunt.
He turned into a complete psycho telling me how he was ready to play games and how much I ‘need to watch my back’, like seriously fuck off mate, if you wanna play games that’s fine with me. I’ll happily open my mouth about the sneaky sleepovers and the videos you sent me wanking, fuck having your back anymore.
He genuinely thought he had the upper hand for a second when he sent a message being all like ‘don’t worry, I’ve told CMS I slept with you on Friday so good luck getting one over on me’.
Well thanks for telling her pal, can’t wait to have her on my back now.
He soon shit himself when I said ‘I’m surprised she wants to be back with you if she knows you cheated on her throughout your whole relationship with me’… Yeah you fucking liar, of course you haven’t told her that so fuck you, who’s got the upper hand now you little prick.
His tune soon changed, especially after BG had a word with him as well, because obviously I’d been mouthing off to him about it all.
Your apologies can go and fuck themselves along with your five second fuck sessions. At least now I don’t have to keep messing up my bed sheets for the sake of a minute tops…
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