When your night goes from 0-100 real quick...

Have you ever woke up and thought where the fuck am I and what the fuck have I done?

I mean that’s what I wake up thinking most weekends but sometimes it’s a bit like ‘how has this happened again, you were trying so hard to be good’. I mean, everyone’s definition of trying is obviously different and clearly mine just to say reaches the scale.

Anyway, it started with a well overdue catch up with an old work friend, with the intention of going into town, ending in Flares dancing to S Club 7 and then going home alone. Pretty standard.

I can tell you now that definitely didn’t happen.

It was all going to plan until I seen the fuck boy mentioned too many times in my other posts - The one with the kid, who’s now with someone with the same name as me.

It was one of those awkward moments of walking into a bar as he’s walking out and I’m thinking ‘do I say hello or just be a cunt and ignore him?’… I went for the whole ‘awkward smile’ followed by a “now then, you alright”. To be honest I think I played it pretty well.

After about half an hour, in which time we’ve drank a bottle of prosecco thinking we’re absolute ballers, along with the bottle of Amaretto we drank before we came out, the alcohol was slowly starting to take over.

Mid slagging off, I turn around and guess who’s suddenly back at the bar facing me? Yeah you got it, it’s that twat.

Anyway cutting this story short, we move onto the next place and meet up with a few others. It’s at this point I’ve got this annoying clingy bastard ringing me, begging me to go to his. Not fuck boy, this is someone else. It’s not going to happen pal, so fuck off.

My phone rings for about the 12th time and it’s at this point I’m about to smash it off the floor when I see the names different on the screen. Guess who? Now its fuck boy, that didn’t take long, did it.

“Come to mine babe, there’s only me and my mate round, bring your friend with you”. Well we all know where this is going don’t we … Taxi please!

My friend didn’t come; she doesn’t let the inner whore make an appearance after a few drinks like I do.

This is where I evaluate the whole situation. One minute I’m dancing with a fat lad in town, the next I’m snorting coke through a ten pound note - This escalated quickly for a Friday night didn’t it.

I’m sat there thinking to myself ‘where the fuck is this night going because there’s just me and two lads here’. Thankfully his friend was absolutely gone so I didn’t have to worry about him jumping into bed with us.

After the best fucking ever we called it a night.

Now it’s the next day when I woke up, not only was I confused as fuck as to where the hell I was, I then got that ‘for fuck sake’ feeling when I turned around and seen who I was next to. All of this on top of the worst hangover ever!

To make it worse, my phone is going absolutely offit with calls from the annoying bastard from the night before.

Still a bit unsure as to what the fuck was happening, I stupidly answered and got the whole “where are you, where did you go last night?” – Hang on pal, I’m hungover, it’s just gone 7, I’ve never seen you in person, I don’t need this shit.

Completely oblivious, I lie and tell him I was with my friend and that I went home at 1 … I don’t think he’d have appreciated the whole “well actually I went to a lads, got fucked all over and I’ve just woke up next to him… How was your night?”

Silence.

That’s what I got for a good few minutes before he dropped the line he’d been clearly waiting to drop all night. “So why did I get pictures off my mate with you at his house, all over another lad”.

YOU LITTLE FUCKING CUNT.

He’d heard that I was texting another lad and decided to put a stop to it by sending him a load of pictures of me round his house, knowing he wouldn’t appreciate them. Nice one dickhead.

Bit strange you not wanting me to speak to other lads when you’re in a relationship isn’t it? I forgot it was a different story last weekend, when you were telling your girlfriend how much you like her while I was kissing your neck and I didn’t say a word.


Two can play that game honey. It’d be a shame if your girlfriend seen the pictures I’ve got of you completely naked with me laid next to you, wouldn’t it?

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