I nead a mind reader!!

Howdy everyone, this is my first post... Really would like some insight if you have it... I am really suffering right now..

I have been in an amazing relationship for the past 10 months, and now she wants it to end. I am 32, and divorced, so this was not my first rodeo. She is 32, never married, so not her's either.

When I look back on what we did together it was amazing. We would laugh so hard it hurt, we could walk into any bar with music and dance the night away, we shared uncommon friendship, could talk for hours about religion or politics even though we had quite a few different views. We could go camping, biking, clubbing, or to the symphony. It didn't matter where we were, we had fun. Physically, everything was great too.

The kicker is, we only got to be together once or twice a month. Long distance, but due to our work situations, we could spend 4-6 awesome days together each time. We saw each other 3 times in December alone. I couldn't move, she could.

The way she broke it to me was that she loved me dearly, loved our relationship, but the one thing she wanted that she didn't have was the ability to say "I would go to the ends of the Earth for you"...and therefore something must be missing.

Huh????

What about the relationship? I mean, she was balling when we broke up? If she didn't feel love for me I would get it, or if she desparately wanted something in life I couldn't give, I would get that too....

How do you walk away from something so great?? (Honestly I think she really thought it was too)

If anyone has any thoughts on why a woman would do this PLEASE SHARE!!!!

Adios--- here are her words---

"i can't talk to you on the phone now about this even though i have a minute. i can't close my door and not see my patients and i can't start crying while i'm here.

i love you michael. i do know that. i know that you're fantastic and the most giving man i've ever met. you make me feel like i'm the most beautiful woman on the planet. i know that you would do anything for me, no matter what it was. i literally could go on and on about all the wonderful qualitites that you have. i could also go on and on about all the wonderful ways you are good to me and good for me.

i should know, i should just know that i would go anywhere for you. but i do not know that. and i think i don't know that because it is not perfect for me. maybe it is perfect for you, and a lot of times it does seem perfect for me, but i know that it's not. i think i have wanted it to be perfect and i have tried so hard to make it perfect, but, for me something is missing. it is absolutely nothing you've done. it's just, i can't make it happen, i can't force that something that is missing to happen. i'm not even sure i can describe it. i want so much for it to be there. i think that is part of the reason i drive myself crazy with all the logistics of texas and family, etc, etc. i shouldn't have to think that way. i want to look at you and tell you that i would go anywhere to be with you and i can't.

please write back to me if you can"

Hmmm,,,,,

Hey dude. First of all, I'm sorry about what you're going through. It's sad that sometimes (I would say most of the times) keeping & maintaining relationship is harder than breaking up one. I'm 35 SM, have met all sorts of women and can't still understand what is really going on some peoples' mind sometimes. I thought I understood women prettywell. From what she said, some of the following thoughts came to my mind.

1. She is definitely not happy now. Women do not tolerate unhappiness like men do. When they feel unhappy for whatever reason, they will fly away right away.. They waste no time.
2. Maybe it is not your fault that she feels that way. So don't ever blame yourself. She may be really confused. I think teenagers are not the only one who are confused. People in their 30s 40s and beyond do get confused, too.
3. Whatever the outcome might be, it is the best to your advantage to stay positive. I see you two have gotten along well, and the best thing that can happen to you (in the worst case scenario) is that you take this experience as a good memory and move on.
4. I guess you don't want to be in the middle too long. If you really feel that she is the ONE, you try your best to keep the relationship. If things dont' work out despite your effort, what can you do?
5. Follow your gut feeling. Who am I to give you advice, since I've never been married although I've had numerous short term relationships. I'm not here to give you any advice. I'm just saying whatever comes to my mind that I feel is right.
6. After all, I believe being truthful to yourself is the best thing that can happen to you regardless of the consequences. I know this society is "result" driven, but as long as you've done your best, you should feel good about yourself.
7.. I hope my rambling somehow makes sense to you. Think of me as a just another guy you met at a bar. You don't have to listen to what I have said. It is just too early in the morning here. I guess I needed somebody to talk to, too, and this is my first blog ever, just to want to let you know. I might need your feedback sometimes.

I sincerely wish you the best. Cheer up
From Seattle
Former ESL student :))

Hey "asitis", thanks a ton for the advice!! Or thoughts or whatever you want to call it. Small world, she is in Seattle too!! If you ever got to know her you would understand why I feel the way I do!!

Check this out.... We were supposed to go skiing in Colorado in about 3 weeks. Of course that is out of the picture now... But, I was thinking I would somehow find her on the slopes somewhere and ask her to marry me. I have no doubts about my feelings at all. That gives her a month or so to be without me and see how that feels. Then, if she is not blown away by the whole thing, I will know I have done my best, and I will move onward and upward!!

I don't know what it is, but girls in Seattle seem to be moody depending on days..Maybe it is the weather?

By the way, I'm glad I was able to help you a bit. If both of you were meant to be together, she would somehow come back to you. I see you would make a good partner for her. I guess it's up to her to decide. Man, I really feel for you. Whatever your path might lead, I'm sure you will be fine because you know what real love feels like.

Again, my cheers to you, and let us know if you find her and if she says yes. It would be really nice, huh?

asitis1111

Your situation is very typical....Everything seems to be going alright....both of you seem to be deeply in love, nothing will ever stand in between you, but all of a sudden BAM! the woman decided to end it.... simple , like that,,,out of the blue.

Women are women , wherever they are. If they feel that you no more have that attractive quality, they once loved about you, they'll leave. If they feel that your comfort/rapport level misses something, they will leave. If they don't feel trust for you, you won't go any further. If you supplicate to her, or became "mr. nice guy", bought her all sorts of gifts and/or flowers/drinks, they will put you into the "provider" category and not the "lover" or the "MAN" category. Instead they'll empty your pockets and leave you with a broken heart. This may sound illogical/cruel but it's simply the fact and men have to deal with it.

Now I'm not saying that your case falls under one of the above or something else, as there are some details missing to judge right now. But from her letter, I can tell you that you fell into the "let's just be friends" zone. You displayed something that made her put you into that zone, and guess what? girls/women don't make love to people they put in that zone. She sensed that you wanted more, she likes you so much, as a friend that is. Infact she is so worried that you will get hurt by her letter, and is praying that that wouldn't happen and you may still remain friends. She doesn't wanna lose you.

By all means DON'T tell her that you love her now and want to marry her! You know what'll happen if you did that at this time? She'll simply disappear! You won't be able to get a hold of her be it offline or online.... You will further scare her off.... she will feel so sorry deep inside her that she will lose such a wonderful friendship, but she SHOULD act like that if you continued pushing. It's hard to get out of the friendship zone, but if you act normal, and not mention what happened (even better if you tried to convince her that she got you wrong) and gain her trust that this won't happen again, not by telling her but by acting alone, you'll have a chance. Just this time try to meet her more frequently (offline) but without being pushy, just to do some stuff only "friends" do. No dinner, no dates nothing,,,,just cool fun stuff like visiting a museum, skiing, mountain climbing etc.. Then you can re-game her again, but this time in the right way.

Also consider having photos of you with some of your other cool female friends on your digicam or mobile phone all the time, and accidentaly (supposedly) making her see them. Maybe work it out so that she hears/witnesses some convo between you and them. This has proven many times to get guys out of the friendship zone. You will know by her reaction. I can't stress this enough guys, when women see you surrounded by other women, they instantly get attracted to you without them knowing it, even if that is the only thing they know about you.

If however you can't do the above, then I'd suggest to move on. It is even better for you .... go find 10 other women ASAP and get physical with them. You will cure yourself, and better yet if you still have feelings for her after that (which is very rare), you would know she is your soul mate.

Women are emotional and hormonal I know because I am one!

She loves you but is not inlove with you. That little piece that makes her want to give up the search for the right man is missing. She still wants to know what is out there. The men who treat women great and give them everything are never the ones they stay with. Those men are easy to manipulate and get what you want out of. You know you can drag them around and do what you want with their feelings but they'll never go away. She is trying to keep you in her life but she wants to keep searching for whats out there. Drop her she is not good enough and only treat women who are good enough the way you treated her.