Friend zoned by a fuck boy
To be honest, he’s not really a fuck boy because I haven’t even kissed the lad. As you can imagine I’ve tried my hardest to do more than kiss him, he’s just stubborn as fuck.
Apparently he refuses to sleep with an ‘absolute bike’. They’re obviously his words and not mine. I wouldn’t be that harsh on myself – I’d just settle for bike. I mean he even had me saved in his phone as a bike emoji with a gust of wind next to it. Little prick.
Going back a bit for you, obviously this whole friendship started with a swipe right like they all do. He’s my absolute dream - dark hair, tall, muscly arms and doesn’t hold back with what he’s saying.
After a few weeks of speaking to him he was still adamant that I was this massive whore so my mission was to prove him wrong. The idea was that if I proved I wasn’t a complete whore, I’d eventually get between his legs. Well, that was the plan.
Five months down the line I was still going strong. I hadn’t even touched a lad, pretty hard to believe but it’s true. I mean I was completely gagging but I was still going.
It was the hardest five months of my entire life, just read my other blogs and you’ll understand why. My legs weren’t used to being so close together for that length of time. For the first time ever they were more like sisters rather than distant relatives. Slut.
So as you can imagine, I started getting bored of proving points and was needy as fuck. I swear to god it wasn’t healthy at all either. It was time to test the water and see if the mission was to be complete.
It was time to ask if he was dropping my trousers or what. You’d think after five months he’d be like okay you’ve proved your point, I’ll give you a good seeing to, right?
Oh no, that was not the reply I got. It wasn’t even remotely close. I got the whole “can you just wait a little bit longer” shit.
Are you actually having a fucking laugh?
Obviously I wasn’t a massive fan of his response and me being me went and slept with his friend. As you can imagine, it didn’t go down too well.
I was deleted and blocked off everything and had some right shitty Facebook statuses wrote about me. I may as well have been tagging myself in them so everyone knew who it was he was talking about.
If he thought I was going to chase after him he was wrong. Fuck that. If you’re going to delete me off everything you can go and fuck yourself. I’ve got a whole phonebook full of bootycalls to keep me going, I don’t need you. Prick.
So we didn’t speak for like three months and then suddenly he started to resurface and send the odd snapchat with a bit of small talk.
Mission BG was back on.
Everything was back to normal with us, the only difference was that this time, he was the horny little bastard and not me. I mean I wouldn’t turn him down because I’m not that stupid, but it was time he done the waiting. See how funny you find it when the boots on the other foot you dickhead.
Anyway, one night we’re just having our usual FaceTime and he drops the biggest bomb shell.
So normally when someone drops a bombshell it’s usually that they have a kid they forgot to mention or they have a girlfriend. I wish it was one of those but not this time… “I think of you as my little sister”.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?
I mean that’s not even getting friend zoned, that’s getting full on family zoned.
Nine fucking months I’ve been waiting to get you between my legs and you now decide to think of me as your little sister.
I could have had a fucking baby in that time.
I’m just waiting for the night he’s drunk, horny as fuck and texting me to sort him so I can hit him with the “sorry, I think of you more as a big brother”. Dick.
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