All,

I have a situation I am really struggling with. The other night I was talking on the phone with my BF (5 yrs). I asked him a question and he spent about 10 seconds starting to answer my question but then quickly diverted to talking about this crazy ex-girlfriend he had and how much she had hurt him emotionally and socially. This is (by now, we've been together awhile) about the 10th time I've heard this story, and I didn't particularly like it the first time but because this was obviously traumatic for him, I've continued to listen. I'm about fed up now. This all happened about seven years ago...still I listened about 25 minutes AGAIN and after a couple of indirect attempt to shift the conversation to something else, I finally said "I don't want to talk about her anymore, let's talk about something else." He got all mad and called me selfish and undiplomatic, hung up on me and I have not spoken to him since. I believe that I have been incredibly unselfish by continuing to listen to this story and that I should be able to tell him ("directly") when I have had enough. Also, I am at the point where I want to tell him get over it or get therapy!

So my questions are:
Did I behave badly in this situation? Am I being callous?
In general, what obligation does one person have to another to continue to listen to stories about past bad relationship and/or difficult times in peoples' lives?

I am really struggling with this so any advice is welcome!
-W

Hello, I think you did the absolutely right thing. Well "getting over it" is hard but getting therapy is exactly what I thought, too!
Well, I would have said it more indirectly though, like "I understand you and I am sorry for your past experience, but I can promise you the same won't happen with me, because I love you and I would never intentionally hurt you", etc etc.
Getting fed up is understandable but no solution. Suggest him therapy, and help him while he does this.

Hope my reply was helpful