Help Please!!

[hawaii girl]

Ok this is going to sound bad, but any advise will so help!!


I am 24 yrs old, i have two children, i have been married for 8 yrs, but my marriage is not a normal one, this is how it is, we both have been cheating on each other for many yrs now, and the reason why i do it on my part, is jus to get back at him, but anyhow, my husband is currently gone out on bussiness for a year, and i met this wounderful guy, we have been kinda i guess you can say boyfriend and girlfriend, and for many yrs i have been telling myself that i dont want to be with my husband, and i want to get a divorce, well anyhow, now the new guy wants me to move down where he is at , and start a good fresh chapter of our lives together, the only thing is,i have 2 kids, and i dont want there dad to be a weekend dad... now i am not inlove with my husband no more, i think we have hurt each other way to much, for me to be inlove with him, and i really think i love this new guy, and he loves my kids, but what do i do??? do i choose love??? or do i choose to stay with my husband for my kids sake??? plz help me im going crazy!!!

[gamblinjohn]

Not that I could give you advice on what to do, but maybe I can help you think about some things.

I'm the same age as you, but I'm a guy, and I don't have kids and never been married. But I can tell you, that my parents divorced when I was four and my sister was eight. Different reasons, my dad came out of the closet, so, obviously my mom couldn't stay with him. But eventually, like two years later, my step-dad now came into the picture. Honestly, he started to become the father figure to me, and a respectful loving husband to my mother. My dad was a weekend dad, and yes, I had my issues, but he ended up living in a different state anyway.

What I'm getting at is that I feel it is important for kids to be around a somewhat functional loving environment. Afterall, how will your kids be with others when they start dating? You are their role-model in many ways, and to see you happy and in a loving relationship is a good thing because they will seek out that as well when they are older. Does that kind of make sense? Honestly, nothing is ever easy, and my parents divorce was alot harder on my sister than it was to me because she was older... but if your boyfriend loves your kids, thats great for both you and them.

Good luck, I hope this helps somewhat!

[abbiedoobie]

Originally Posted by gamblinjohn

Not that I could give you advice on what to do, but maybe I can help you think about some things.

I'm the same age as you, but I'm a guy, and I don't have kids and never been married. But I can tell you, that my parents divorced when I was four and my sister was eight....

Great response!

Gamblinjohn is right. You are your childrens role model. You need to show them what a functional and loving relationship is like. Just don't make a drastic change if you are not 100% sure about your reationship with this new guy.

[hawaii girl]

hello,
well I wanted to say thank you for your advise, I understand where you are comming from, about the loving,functional enviroment for my children. I jus want my kids to be ok threw all this, they are my world, and I want to do nothin more but give them the best life I can. I belive that I will make the right choice, and will follow my heart all the way threw this tuff time....

thank you once again

[abbiedoobie]

Good Luck!

[mandylc626]

leave. your happiness is directly related to your childrens. a child can't be happy if thier parents are stuck in a stale disfunctional relationship. you will be happier and likely your huband will be as well. your children can only benefit from seeing thier mother in a happy healthy relationship. just be sure to keep things civil with your husband(or soon to be ex) so your children do not suffer from the results of the dissolution of the marriage.

[talia]

marry a rich man......

[majali]

Hi all
Hawaii girl I know it's realy hard, but your children deserve that you fight for them and for the best life you can find for these little angels
Ask your God to bring you all the best

good luck and let God be with you all
yours,Majali

[jaytwo77]

seek professional consultations..

[NotGertrude]

Wow, it's a tough situation... But you really can't expect someone to be able to give you the answer to your problem based upon your brief description.

Only YOU live your life, and you truly will know what you need to do. I think the key is to get some distance, take some time, and get a clear picture of what really is going on in your life. If that doesn't help, I always believe that talking to someone in person abot your problems (like a therapist) can truly help!

Best of luck to you- it's never easy!